Ask Grandma Anything: The Incredible Disappearing Date

Dear Cutie,

I met this guy a year ago through some friends. Initially he only communicated with me via Facebook email. Then one time I was talking to this other guy and he asked me for my number in front of him. Then he started calling/texting the very next day and we would talk for an hour or so every week, in addition to regular texting. We talked about our past and families. We both are divorced and have lost a parent each, so we bonded very well. Then he asked me out randomly.He ended up staying in at my place as I was tired.Then things changed and we were talking to each other every day, all day, even from work for about three weeks. One weekend he disappeared on me and when I questioned he didn’t like it. We didn’t talk for almost a month until we ran into each other at another party.He started calling again. It wasn’t as frequent as before, but he started staying in touch more. Then my mom came to visit from India and he met my mom.Now he texts/calls days in a row and then disappears again. Please advise.

Signed,
Yo-Yo

Dear Yo-Yo,

Encourage him to do his own thing, just ask that he remember to make you a priority. It sounds like you are interested in some kind of commitment from him. If you don’t want to be casual, say so. It is important for all the expectations to be on the table if a relationship is going to stand the test of time. If he is not ready to give you what you want and need, then look for someone more reliable. This guy may have pleasant attributes, but they don’t mean a thing if you can’t rely on him.

Love,
Cutie

Dear Cutie,

I met this guy a year ago through some friends. Initially he only communicated with me via Facebook email. Then one time I was talking to this other guy and he asked me for my number in front of him. Then he started calling/texting the very next day and we would talk for an hour or so every week, in addition to regular texting. We talked about our past and families. We both are divorced and have lost a parent each, so we bonded very well. Then he asked me out randomly.He ended up staying in at my place as I was tired.Then things changed and we were talking to each other every day, all day, even from work for about three weeks. One weekend he disappeared on me and when I questioned he didn’t like it. We didn’t talk for almost a month until we ran into each other at another party.He started calling again. It wasn’t as frequent as before, but he started staying in touch more. Then my mom came to visit from India and he met my mom.Now he texts/calls days in a row and then disappears again. Please advise.

Signed,
Yo-Yo

Dear Yo-Yo,

Encourage him to do his own thing, just ask that he remember to make you a priority. It sounds like you are interested in some kind of commitment from him. If you don’t want to be casual, say so. It is important for all the expectations to be on the table if a relationship is going to stand the test of time. If he is not ready to give you what you want and need, then look for someone more reliable. This guy may have pleasant attributes, but they don’t mean a thing if you can’t rely on him.

Love,
Cutie