Dear Cutie,
I blew it in the “making a good first impression” department with my boyfriend’s clique. This was 2 1/2 years back. I’ve really sweated trying to make it good, but it’s not going to gel. It’s simply not fun for me to go to his parties, I try to chat with his pals and they can’t get away from me fast enough. Â It puts him in a situation where he is compelled to choose between me and them. Â
For now, we’ve just settled on this: Â he goes to his parties alone, and I do my own thing (much to my relief). It’s tough for me to visualize how our
relationship can develop deeply if I am so much at odds with his people. He’s been tight with his crowd for 15-20 years. I always encourage him to go hang with his pals and I never press him to choose me over them. Â
Lately, I think this is taking a toll on our relationship because its been tough for me to keep my composure. I have been asking him constantly “What am I saying wrong? What am I doing wrong?” I’m bugging him. Cutie, what should I do?
signed,
Unpopular
Dear Unpopular,
This does sound hard. If you do go to another gathering, don’t try to win them all over at one time. Approach one or two of the friends individually and try get to know them better. Let them get to know you better. Make a joke about getting off on the wrong foot. Then just be yourself. If you are a nice person, it will show up.Â
If that doesn’t work, you don’t have to force it. Sometimes people don’t click. They must, however, treat you with respect. Even if there is not a deep connection, you are have a right to feel comfortable around them.Â
At the end of the day, this is a situation that you have to resolve with your partner. It is up to him to instruct his clique to treat you with respect. You can have a long and happy relationship together if you are both on the same page. But don’t worry so much about the long term. If you can find a way to make it work today, the rest of the days will take care of themselves.Â
love,
Cutie
Dear Cutie,
I blew it in the “making a good first impression” department with my boyfriend’s clique. This was 2 1/2 years back. I’ve really sweated trying to make it good, but it’s not going to gel. It’s simply not fun for me to go to his parties, I try to chat with his pals and they can’t get away from me fast enough. Â It puts him in a situation where he is compelled to choose between me and them. Â
For now, we’ve just settled on this: Â he goes to his parties alone, and I do my own thing (much to my relief). It’s tough for me to visualize how our
relationship can develop deeply if I am so much at odds with his people. He’s been tight with his crowd for 15-20 years. I always encourage him to go hang with his pals and I never press him to choose me over them. Â
Lately, I think this is taking a toll on our relationship because its been tough for me to keep my composure. I have been asking him constantly “What am I saying wrong? What am I doing wrong?” I’m bugging him. Cutie, what should I do?
signed,
Unpopular
Dear Unpopular,
This does sound hard. If you do go to another gathering, don’t try to win them all over at one time. Approach one or two of the friends individually and try get to know them better. Let them get to know you better. Make a joke about getting off on the wrong foot. Then just be yourself. If you are a nice person, it will show up.Â
If that doesn’t work, you don’t have to force it. Sometimes people don’t click. They must, however, treat you with respect. Even if there is not a deep connection, you are have a right to feel comfortable around them.Â
At the end of the day, this is a situation that you have to resolve with your partner. It is up to him to instruct his clique to treat you with respect. You can have a long and happy relationship together if you are both on the same page. But don’t worry so much about the long term. If you can find a way to make it work today, the rest of the days will take care of themselves.Â
love,
Cutie