Ask Grandma Anything: He Bristles at Questions

Dear Cutie,

My question is that I am married for the second time and it’s a blended family. We have only been married for two years now and I love my husband very much. But he has been mentioning that he is not happy and he mentions the “d” word often. I use to react to it, but I stopped reacting to it because he said it all the time. How should I handle this situation?

Also, it seems if I don’t ask him too many questions in general, he is happier. He seems to get more angry when I ask lots of questions.

We also have separate checking accounts. What do you think about that? He pays most of the bills and I just handle my personal stuff along with my kids’ personal stuff and the groceries.

Signed,
On Eggshells

Dear Eggshells,

First of all, I don’t like the idea that he gets angry if you ask him too many questions. It is one thing to talk a subject to death, but it is entirely another to have an environment of open communication in a relationship. 

There is nothing wrong with separate checking accounts, except when the money situation transfers over to other aspects of the relationship. Just because one person pays the bills doesn’t mean that he or she should have more power in the relationship. Harry and I always treated money, whether he made it, or I made it, as if it were our money. For the family. I’m sure this attitude is possible with separate checking accounts, but it probably takes a little more consideration. 

Threatening divorce to make your spouse anxious and quiet seems like an unhealthy path. I would recommend that you find a way to speak honestly with your husband about what you both need. Sit down with a trained professional if it’s too difficult to do this when you are alone.

No one should feel like they are walking on egg shells. You are an independent, strong person and you deserve to be treated that way. It starts with yourself. 

Good luck to you. 

Love,
Cutie

Dear Cutie,

My question is that I am married for the second time and it’s a blended family. We have only been married for two years now and I love my husband very much. But he has been mentioning that he is not happy and he mentions the “d” word often. I use to react to it, but I stopped reacting to it because he said it all the time. How should I handle this situation?

Also, it seems if I don’t ask him too many questions in general, he is happier. He seems to get more angry when I ask lots of questions.

We also have separate checking accounts. What do you think about that? He pays most of the bills and I just handle my personal stuff along with my kids’ personal stuff and the groceries.

Signed,
On Eggshells

Dear Eggshells,

First of all, I don’t like the idea that he gets angry if you ask him too many questions. It is one thing to talk a subject to death, but it is entirely another to have an environment of open communication in a relationship. 

There is nothing wrong with separate checking accounts, except when the money situation transfers over to other aspects of the relationship. Just because one person pays the bills doesn’t mean that he or she should have more power in the relationship. Harry and I always treated money, whether he made it, or I made it, as if it were our money. For the family. I’m sure this attitude is possible with separate checking accounts, but it probably takes a little more consideration. 

Threatening divorce to make your spouse anxious and quiet seems like an unhealthy path. I would recommend that you find a way to speak honestly with your husband about what you both need. Sit down with a trained professional if it’s too difficult to do this when you are alone.

No one should feel like they are walking on egg shells. You are an independent, strong person and you deserve to be treated that way. It starts with yourself. 

Good luck to you. 

Love,
Cutie