Highlight of 2012

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Like many folks, I’ve been reflecting on this past year. 2012 was full of ups and downs–mostly ups, because I have that frame of mind. But I have to say that the highlight of the year was seeing my book on sale at Anthropologie a few days ago. For this little old 95-year-old gal, it was absolutely thrilling! Here’s to 2013, and to all the adventures that are just around the corner. I hope every one of you will see your dreams come true in the coming year.
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Goodbye King Eddy

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Oh no! A wonderful skid row dive bar is closing for good this weekend. I do not even drink, but have enjoyed visiting this friendly place for a soft drink. If you are in Los Angeles, please consider stopping by the King Eddy Saloon to say goodbye. If you are elsewhere, go show some love to your favorite neighborhood joint…. or tell me about it in the comments below.
Here is a link to today’s beautiful front page LA Times article about the King Eddy:
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-king-eddy-20121214,0,665791.story
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Ask Grandma Anything: Wife’s Wanderlust Woes!

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Dear Cutie,

I’m so confused. I’ve been married for three years to a man with Asperger’s, which is on the autism spectrum. He is intelligent, loyal and childishly playful. We have had some rough times lately, especially financially. I recently started graduate school, and I realize now that I want to work abroad as a medical professional. This new career would be an escape from this boring, stressful, material life of worrying about bills. My husband is happy, but I have serious wanderlust.

I could deal with this if I weren’t feeling bored with my husband too. I go out dancing and see my friends and he stays at home. My friends ask me why he’s not with me and I have no good answers. He’s not keeping up his appearance. He would make a great father but he’s just not interested.

I also have a crush. We’re just friends, but I can’t stop thinking about how much I want a do-over. His goals align with mine, and I have so much chemistry with him and none with my husband.

Will this ever pass?

Signed,
So Confused

Dear So Confused,

I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles, especially so soon into your relationship. It sounds like your husband has many wonderful qualities, but the fact remains that he may not be the one for you. That doesn’t mean that either of you is a bad person. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and there is no shame in that.

The hardest thing can be to think about a change. Change is scary — it can effect all aspects of your life. This is why I am suggesting that you start the process of changing your life one small step at a time.

The first thing you can do is to get some perspective. Take some time to yourself to really evaluate your situation. Go to a coffee shop, go to the movies, take yourself to dinner — do something to give yourself some space and then, without judgment, consider your situation from all the different angles. Your instincts will tell you something. It sounds like they are already telling you something by motivating you to go abroad. That may be what you end up doing, but before you make any significant decisions, I want you to slow down and think about what you really want and what it is you can do to get yourself there. Make a list.

Lean on friends and family if you have them. Talk it out, cry. Get mad. All of this is okay. You might decide to end your marriage. You may decide to make some changes try to improve your relationship with your husband. The important thing is that you don’t have to do anything today, and even through your options may seem limited, you really have unlimited options. You have some hard work ahead of you, but I think if you take care of yourself along the way, you can end up in a much better situation. You can be happy and you deserve it.

I think it is very brave of you to reach out. Good luck to you and please keep me posted.

Love,
Cutie
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Ask Grandma Anything: How can I be sure… if he’s the one?

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Dear Cutie,

I know you sometimes give out advice, and lately i have been feeling pretty neglected and alone. I had a originally wanted to ask a couple questions, but all I can seem to ask is: How did you know your husband
was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

I am currently in a relationship with my childhood best friend. We met in the second grade, grew super close when we were nine and have been inseparable since. I’m 21 now, and we have been dating for five years. He recently moved over 100 miles away, and I feel lost. And I feel funny reaching out to a stranger.

I’m also very excited to read your book.

Signed,
How Can I Be Sure

Dear How Can I Be Sure,

Please don’t feel embarrassed about asking me a question. It is a sign of strength that you are willing to ask for help and guidance. You are willing to consider other ideas and grow, and that is a beautiful thing.

Now your question is a very good one and it is a very important one. How do you know if he is the right one to spend the rest of your life with?

The truth of the matter is that is really comes down to your instincts. Most of us have instincts, but they can be clouded by infatuation or a shared history. If you’ve gone through a lot with one person, it can seem like you really should be together, but that’s not necessarily the case. I’ve known plenty of people who got into relationships and stayed in them as a matter of convenience.

A good test of the relationship is to spend some time in on your own, which it sounds like you are doing. Remind yourself of who you are, what you want, and how you feel. It might seem silly to say, but some
information will rise to the surface. Try to listen to your instincts without judgment. No matter what you decide, remember that nothing can take away the happiness that you two had together.

If he is the right one, then huzzah! Go celebrate and continue to work on your relationship. All relationships need work, even the good ones. If not, don’t fret – you have your whole future ahead of you and I have a pretty good feeling that it will be a happy one.

Good luck to you,

Love, Cutie
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Going to College

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My dear friends, Sailesh and his wife Shruti–proprietors of my favorite Bombay street food restaurant, “Mumbai Ki Galliyon Se” in Artesia–are gearing up to send their very bright teenage daughter off to college. They were so kind to send me home with some delicious desserts. I promised to enjoy them and to wish all the very best for their daughter’s success. Here’s to you, beloved daughter! May you continue to work hard and make your family proud.

And, in case any of you are ever in the mood for yummy Indian food, please consider Mumbai Ki Galliyon Se. Here is my Yelp review so you will know what to order: http://the-ogs.com/mumbai
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