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Ask Grandma Anything: Moving On With Her Life

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Dearest Cutie,

I write to you because I have been lost in my own mind and heart, and am in need of advice.

I am seventeen years old, distracted by overwhelming classes, applying for college and working at my job. What I desire most though, is a relationship. I have been in love with one of my good friends for over a year now. He is older, in another country for the time being, and not interested.

Sure, there are people at school that I am absolutely willing to date. It would be a good way to break free from this other guy. But even then, flirting and putting myself out there, it doesn’t work!

I just don’t know what to do. I try too hard with no results, but I feel sitting around and waiting would result in deeper conflicts with myself. I am in love, looking for a way out. Then again: I am in love, do I want out?

Sincerely,
Conflicted

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Dear Conflicted,

I am impressed. You sound like a very sophisticated young person. You have a lot on your plate with high school ending and planning for your future, and I want to congratulate you for your hard work and thoughtfulness.

Remember to slow down once in a while and pamper yourself. You absolutely need to recharge your batteries to have the energy to make through the next challenge.

As for love, we all want what is unattainable. It is dramatic and full of possibility, and yet it never materializes. Your gut instincts are right: you need to get him out of your mind and focus on what is right in front of you.

I wish I could tell you that the minute you stop thinking about him someone new and wonderful will materialize. What you can do is stop falling back on this guy as an option. Throw yourself into hobbies, friends, homework, music — anything that makes you happy. And I can promise that with time, things will take care of themselves.

Love,
Cutie
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Ask Grandma Anything: First Boyfriend is Hard to Shake

Dear Grandma Cutie,

I recently met this sweet guy that’s totally in love with me. We’re both fifteen.

He asked me out a few times, but I’ve rejected him. This time I said yes. I was flattered that someone actually had a crush on me. I like him, but I’m kind of freaked out, because he keeps telling me how much he loves and can’t live without me. He already told me that after college he’s going to marry me.

He’s sweet, but I just know that he’s not the one for me. I don’t know why, maybe because I’m in love with a different guy, who doesn’t even know I exist. I asked him, “Why me, when there are plenty of gorgeous girls out there?” But he said I’m different.

I think I should break up with him, but I don’t know how, because even before we started dating he was a wreck and broken-hearted when I said no. I don’t want to live my life feeling guilty. He’s my first boyfriend, but I want to be able to see other people. Please tell me what to do. My folks don’t know and I don’t want them involved.

Signed,
Trapped

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Dear Trapped,

He is a little boy playing at being in love. He is in love with the idea of being in love. If you don’t encourage him, he will get over you. It may take some time. You already know this is not something you want forever, or even for right now, so good work at listening to your heart! You cannot worry about how he might react if you do what is right for yourself.

As for this other fellow who doesn’t know you exist, don’t beat your head against the wall. Be open to dating someone you like who is also interested in you. Maybe if you stop worrying so much about the wrong fellow who wants to be your boyfriend, you will realize that there is someone better nearby who you have not noticed before.

You are only fifteen and love is very new. Don’t rush into anything. You have plenty of time to find the right partner, and I know that you will do so.

Love,
Cutie
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