Ask Grandma Anything: Starting a Family

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Dear Cutie

I hope you can offer some advice. Today I feel as if my heart is aching. I married a wonderful man three years ago after eight years together and since then we have been trying for children with no luck.

After what feels like a million investigations and two operations later, here I am. The last operation was a huge one and I’m still in constant pain and recovering over two months on, unable to get back to work.

I have watched my friends all fall pregnant and have their babies and they are now on to their second babies. I feel I have let my husband down, as he so much wants to be a father.

I feel that everything is “stuck” and that this is not how I wanted my life to be. I am often on my own as my husband is away in the Royal Navy and I am far from friends and family.

I’m sorry to burden you with this but any words of advice would be warmly


Dear Yearning,

My heart goes out to you. Please know that you are not burdening me. I feel honored that you chose to share how you feel and what is happening for you and your family. Acknowledging your situation and your feelings is the first step to finding the comfort and the support you need.

Having children is a real test. It is confusing that we can have so much control over all other aspects of our lives and be so vulnerable to forces beyond our control when it comes to children. My gut reaction is to advise you to adopt. There are beautiful children out there waiting to be loved and it sounds like you have so much to give.

But at the same time that I suggest you adopt, I hesitate. I imagine you are bombarded with feedback from everyone and their brother and their uncle about how to handle your situation. What I think could be most helpful for you is to find your center. Recognize your situation and the feelings that it is causing. Talk with your partner and really try to hear where he is coming from and what he wants, and help him hear from you. My hope is that you can work through this situation, feel supported, and come to a decision about children and family that feels right for both of you.

I wish you every happiness.

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