Ask Grandma Anything: American Girl

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Dear Cutie:

I have recently read your book “Fall in Love for Life.” It’s been a wonderful inspiration. I admire your love for life.

I have recently encountered some trouble in my seemingly perfect relationship. My boyfriend and I were planning on getting married next year. But once we started planning the future, there were conflicts.

One of these is where to live after we marry. We currently live in the US; he is from Canada. We have discussed this matter in the past, and a decision was made to stay in the US. But he has changed his mind and decided to return to Canada, due to family pressure.

I am not happy. We had an agreement. Among other reasons for staying, my family is here, and I have never wanted to live somewhere so cold.

I don’t know if this is a good enough reason to end a relationship. Cutie, what should I do?

Signed,
American Girl

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Dear American Girl,

Thank you for your question. I’m so pleased that you liked my book and glad you reached out for some advice.

If you ask me, your not wanting to move to Canada isn’t the biggest issue here. I’m concerned about the fact that your boyfriend unilaterally made this decision about where he wants to live without considering your perspective–or worse, ignoring it.

In my world, real partners don’t spring things on each other. They know and understand each other’s needs. He should be as concerned as you are about where you want to live.

This conflict doesn’t mean that you need to break up, but in my opinion, this is a good enough reason to put the brakes on moving forward with your wedding plans. I think you should re-evaluate your situation, and decide if this relationship is really working, for both of you.

There is no shame in having second thoughts, only in ignoring the little voice inside you that says “pay attention, something is wrong.”

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
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