Month: May 2011

Everybody’s talking about 1940s Los Angeles because “L.A. Noire” is the hottest video game around. So, naturally, we asked our Cutie, a resident of 1947 L.A., what it was really like in those days of gangsters, gun molls, night clubs, and wild livin’. Of course, Cutie’s 1947 was a little sleepier, but still a place in time she remembers with great fondness.

Continue reading “The Real L.A. Noire”

Dear Cutie,

I’ve been wanting to get your advice on something, but since it is a private matter I thought I would email instead! My sister and I are extremely close. She lives out of state, but we remain close. My husband and I got married about seven months ago. My sister and my husband have never gotten along, but they’re typically tolerant of one another. Recently that changed and my husband called my sister and they had a heated discussion about the reasons they dislike one another. I’m afraid that my husband just doesn’t understand her personality. Truthfully he can be very rude when she comes to visit. He has never gone to visit her with me and refuses to.  My sister is having her first child in October. I don’t want this baby to grow up not knowing their Uncle. I’m not sure what to do. My sister is not writing him off, but him writing off my family is hurtful, and I’m not willing to lose them. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Hurting

Dear Hurting,

When the baby comes, everybody is going to mellow out. If your husband still does not want to spend time with your sister, then he doesn’t have to. But he should respect that you want to have a relationship with your sister, and he must be cordial when he sees her or talks with you about her. There is never an excuse for rudeness, especially if it hurts you, too. Let them know that you love them both and you want to spend as much time as they can afford to give you. Right now everyone’s feelings are heated but usually these things get better with time. Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Feuding In-Laws”

Hello, Cutie,

It’s 9:30am on a beautiful Tuesday morning and I hope you’re doing wonderful. As for me, well, I just have a question to ask you.

What do you do when your ex-boyfriend only calls you when he’s drunk saying dumb stuff? The only reason I answer is because I still have feelings for him. It’s almost going to be a year that we’ve broke up, and for periods of time I’m fine, but then others I’m not.

I’m only 17 years old and sometimes I think I’m pathetic. Please get back to me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,

The next that he calls when he is drunk, tell him to call you back when he wakes up. And hang up on him.

If he is serious about you, then he needs to show that to you. He’s got to be taught to grow up. If he cannot, then it is his loss.

You know what you want. You don’t need a drunk on the phone.

Don’t settle. There are plenty of young men who would appreciate you and respect your priorities.

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Ex-Boyfriend Phones When Drunk”

Hi Grandma,

It’s so nice that you are offering yourself to the world like this. My grandmothers and mother are gone so advice is hard to find!

I am in my mid-forties, happily married with two young sons. We live in a small midwestern city. My husband is from here and his whole family is still here. We all get along fine and see each other often… sometimes too often.

So, in spite of having this nice, settled life where my children are happy and have family, I want to leave. I love California and have wanted to live there for years. I feel “home” when I’m there. But it seems so selfish to move my kids and risk losing all the support we have here. I know what I *want* to do, but I don’t know what to do as a mother and a wife. My husband says he’ll support any decision although he’s less of a risk taker than I. Should I simply be grateful for what I have? Or risk losing it all?

Thank you so much! I feel better just being able to send this message!

signed,
Stay or Go

*

Dear Stay or Go,

Take a vacation. A three month vacation is a very long time. I think you will be very happy to go back to where you belong.

Everyone likes to think the grass is greener on the other side, but it is all about how you look at it. California is a nice place. I love it. But you have roots where you are at. And maybe you can take some time to figure out what you need to make you happy wherever you live.

Good luck to you and your family.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Contemplating a Cross-Country Move”

Dear Cutie,

I have a very personal, peculiar, and somewhat abnormal question that myself and my partner have been seeking advice on for almost a year now. My partner and I are first cousins. We are a cousin couple, and have been in secret now for, almost a year. We simply cannot live without each other, but the mounting pressure of family and friends finding out about us becoming unbearable, and we are struggling to make a final decision! There is no doubt we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. Have you ever encountered such a couple? And, I think more importantly, what would you do? Thank you for your time, advice, and most importantly, keeping our secret, a secret. Have a great day:)

Signed,
Secret Love

Dear Secret Love,

There is nothing wrong with your relationship. Talk to your doctor. If he thinks there is any problem that you should face, talk to him. He understands. And, other than that, you might talk to your pastor or your rabbi.

If I met a couple like you, I would say good luck to you. It is none of anyone’s business how you know each other. What matters is that you are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together.

It is very painful to live your life in the dark, but you are the only ones who know if you are comfortable stepping into the light and celebrating your love. Remember, you aren’t hurting anyone.

The word in Yiddish is “beshert.” That means that God chose it to be like that. That’s what it is. Good luck to you. I know you will be happy.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Cousins in Love”

Dear Cutie,

I don’t have a question. I just wanted to say thank you for the answer you gave someone else. I saw you on KTLA news. A person had asked about being infertile. My situation is not exactly the same, but I know how she might feel.I am 45, so having kids at my age is not realistic. I did have a child when I was 18, but I felt I was too young and unprepared, so I put him up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Now I often regret it. Since then I have felt at times I was less of a woman because of my choice and because I never had any other children. Anyhoo, your kind answer meant so much to me. I know that if anyone else would ask me about a similar situation, I would say of course, do not blame yourself or feel bad, and do not feel that you are not a woman or a good person. But when it comes to my own situation I always beat myself up. I am not sure if I am making sense. I guess I just wanted to say thank you

Signed,
Thoughtful

Dear Thoughtful,

It is easier for us to show compassion to other people before we can show it to ourselves. You made a very difficult decision at that time, but it was right for you at that time. We all live with our decisions. And we all wonder what could have been. That is in God’s hands. It takes a real woman to recognize what she can and cannot do. And your bravery gave your child a real chance at a beautiful life. He will always have a place in your heart. And you can rest your heart and know what was past is past and you live for today and for tomorrow. Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I will think of you fondly. Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie.
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: What It Means To Be A Woman”

Dear Cutie,

I am a 23-year-old male. I saw you on the news and I thought since you answer peoples’ questions you could help me. I want to tell you a little about me before I ask my question. To start off I’m gay and still have not told my parents. People who are gay tell their parents when they are in high school. Only a few cousins know about me. I feel that if I wait any longer that it might be harder to tell my parents when I get ready to tell tell them. Now on to my question — well I have 3 questions.

My first question is: “Do you think it’s time now to tell my parents I’m gay?” Second question: “Do you think if I wait any longer that it will be harder to tell my parents?” Third question: “Do you think my parents might have a idea that I’m gay and are waiting for me to tell them?”

Signed,
Waiting for the Right Moment

*

Dear Waiting,

I think your parents know. If you want to talk about it with them, talk about it. If you don’t want to, wait until you are ready. The important thing is that you feel good about yourself. Some parents are old fashioned and don’t want to have this conversation, but it does not mean they don’t love you. There are some conversations that are difficult to discuss with your children. Some people can talk about anything. Some people are more gentle with their conversation. The feelings are the same whether they talk about it or they don’t.

The time that is right is the time you are ready to talk. I think your parents know more than you think they know. And if they don’t want to talk about it, they will tell you, “Thank you, my dear, but not today” — and then you should just wait until they bring it up again. In the mean time, you can focus on being comfortable with who you are. I’m sure you can accept yourself for what you are. God made you the way you are. And you don’t need your parents’ approval to be happy, although it is easier. Do you have a group of friends who you can talk to? That would help.

My dear, you are lucky to live in a world that understands and wants you to be you. Good luck to you and just know that there is a good world outside there filled with kind people who can accept you even if your parents cannot.

Love,
Cutie

Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: When Should I Tell My Parents That I’m Gay?”

When Cutie’s kids were in their teens, it was the golden age of juvenile delinquency. (You’ve seen Happy Days, right? Like the Fonz, only mean) Not that her kids were delinquents or anything. But she got through it and so will you. This video goes out to Pam, whose son is twelve and starting to make her very anxious with his eye rolling and whatnot. Cutie says it’s going to be all right.

Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything… Surviving Your Kid’s Teenage Years”

It is the end of the world as we know it… well, no, the world didn’t end. But, false rapture reports are a good excuse to ask Grandma Cutie how to handle concerns that the world might be ending. Tune in for some advice we hope you’ll never have to use.

Continue reading “The End of Days?”