Dear Cutie,
Your book has been extremely inspirational. The one part that really stood out to me, was “if you have to question whether he or she is the right person, then he or she is not”.
I met my boyfriend about a year ago, while he was in an abusive relationship. I knew then he was the person I would be honored to be with for the rest of my life. When his relationship ended six months ago, we started dating almost immediately. I knew there would be bumps as he learned to heal and find his way. He told me that he knew he wanted to be with me, but asked to move slowly. So we dated and grew closer.
We finally hit that first huge bump. He appears to have some lingering anger and hurt. Has withdrawn over the past two weeks. But he is open to me about his strong feelings for me and belief that I am his future. He says he knows I am everything he could ever hope for in a woman plus some, but still asks for some space while he figures things out.
I am giving him his space, however I am questioning my feelings that he is the right person now–mostly out of insecurities.
How do I get back to that feeling that we are right for each other? Is it normal for him to want this much space away from me, even when he says I am a great future? I want to be strong for him and give him my support, but feel lost on the best way to do it while I let him heal.
signed,
Lost My Way
—
Dear Lost My Way,
You sound like a thoughtful and supportive partner. Your boyfriend is lucky to have had a person like you in his life, especially coming out of what sounds like a very difficult period.
With that said, it sounds like he feels a need to work through his issues independently, and this is why he asks for so much space.
I think it can be very important to put more weight on what a person is doing rather than what they are saying. It is clear that he cares for you and nice that he can articulate it. However, the important thing in your situation with him is that he keeps making it clear that he wants the space to sort things out on his own.
What might be helpful for you to consider is that this separation is about him and his needs rather than any kind of failure on your part. Still, I understand why you would feel insecure about it. You have made yourself available to work through this with him, and he is asking you to go away while he works it out on his own.
In my opinion, there is nothing else for you to do with or for him at this time.
What you can do at this time is be supportive of yourself. You get to decide what is next for you. It could be a perfectly good decision to give him the space and wait for him to be ready. You can also choose to put yourself out there and meet other people. Truthfully, I worry about you waiting around for him, because you never know how long it might take him to be ready–if he ever becomes ready to work things out.
My advice is for you to detach from him. Respect your feelings, write and talk them out, do whatever you need to do to move forward. You deserve to be in a relationship where both people are ready to give, and I encourage you to keep that in your mind as you make your next decisions.
Love,
Cutie
Dear Cutie,
Your book has been extremely inspirational. The one part that really stood out to me, was “if you have to question whether he or she is the right person, then he or she is not”.
I met my boyfriend about a year ago, while he was in an abusive relationship. I knew then he was the person I would be honored to be with for the rest of my life. When his relationship ended six months ago, we started dating almost immediately. I knew there would be bumps as he learned to heal and find his way. He told me that he knew he wanted to be with me, but asked to move slowly. So we dated and grew closer.
We finally hit that first huge bump. He appears to have some lingering anger and hurt. Has withdrawn over the past two weeks. But he is open to me about his strong feelings for me and belief that I am his future. He says he knows I am everything he could ever hope for in a woman plus some, but still asks for some space while he figures things out.
I am giving him his space, however I am questioning my feelings that he is the right person now–mostly out of insecurities.
How do I get back to that feeling that we are right for each other? Is it normal for him to want this much space away from me, even when he says I am a great future? I want to be strong for him and give him my support, but feel lost on the best way to do it while I let him heal.
signed,
Lost My Way
—
Dear Lost My Way,
You sound like a thoughtful and supportive partner. Your boyfriend is lucky to have had a person like you in his life, especially coming out of what sounds like a very difficult period.
With that said, it sounds like he feels a need to work through his issues independently, and this is why he asks for so much space.
I think it can be very important to put more weight on what a person is doing rather than what they are saying. It is clear that he cares for you and nice that he can articulate it. However, the important thing in your situation with him is that he keeps making it clear that he wants the space to sort things out on his own.
What might be helpful for you to consider is that this separation is about him and his needs rather than any kind of failure on your part. Still, I understand why you would feel insecure about it. You have made yourself available to work through this with him, and he is asking you to go away while he works it out on his own.
In my opinion, there is nothing else for you to do with or for him at this time.
What you can do at this time is be supportive of yourself. You get to decide what is next for you. It could be a perfectly good decision to give him the space and wait for him to be ready. You can also choose to put yourself out there and meet other people. Truthfully, I worry about you waiting around for him, because you never know how long it might take him to be ready–if he ever becomes ready to work things out.
My advice is for you to detach from him. Respect your feelings, write and talk them out, do whatever you need to do to move forward. You deserve to be in a relationship where both people are ready to give, and I encourage you to keep that in your mind as you make your next decisions.
Love,
Cutie