Author: ogswp_mzygpq

It’s the 1950s, four p.m.. The house is clean, dinner is in the oven. The kids are at the library. Your husband hasn’t left the office. It’s time… to run the warmest, smelliest, sudsiest bubble bath that’s ever been run. Cutie knew then that the happiest place in any home was inside the bathtub with all of those bubbles. Let’s tune in and hear all about it.

Continue reading “Cutie’s Secret Passion”

Hello Cutie,

I have a situation. I have been dating this woman for about six months; she is a wonderful a person and I can see myself being with her for the rest of my life. I’m 48 years old and she is 38, recently laid off from work and working part time. She isn’t sure about if she could see us together for the rest of our days. I know one of the problems is my stability, but I don’t know the other. I just found out she isn’t sure if she is attracted to me physically, but she is attracted to me mentally. Plus all of her ex-boyfriends want her back. I told her she needs to close the door on her past and move on. I treat her well and give the utmost respect and let her know how much she means to me.

The question I have is, should stay or should I just move on?  

Signed,
Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

The question is where is she at. She better make up her mind about what she wants. If there are boyfriends in the past that she is considering, then drop her. If she is ready to commit herself to you, that’s another story. Her life is her own but she has got to make up her mind as to what she wants. If she is thinking “maybe this,” “maybe that,” that’s not good enough. You deserve to be with someone who knows what they want.

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: She Won’t Commit”

Dear Cutie,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over three years. We’re talking about getting engaged. Everything would be perfect if it wasn’t for one thing: his mother.

His mother has emotional problems due to a rough life. This has led her to be very co-dependent and irrational at times. I am worried that once my boyfriend and I take the next step, she will expect us to help her out constantly, despite my objections at choices she has made that led to the situation she is currently in.

I have been taught that family is FAMILY. However, I ‘m not sure if I can stand taking care of a woman who doesn’t learn from her mistakes or respects her son’s desire to start a new life. My boyfriend and I argue about it, even though he says he will not let her run our lives. I’m not sure that when that time comes, he will be able to do that.

If I can’t fully commit to taking care of his mother, is it best to just break off the relationship?

Signed,
Frustrated Future Daughter-in-law

Dear Frustrated,

You are not responsible for his mother. She will have to stand on her own two feet. You be kind, try to be understanding, keep your distance. If there is not good feelings, try to be as civil as possible. You are not responsible for taking care of his mother. If there is no other family other than your husband, it is too bad. She will have to realize that she is responsible for herself. There is always medicare, or she can go to the City of Hope.

In many ways, this is in your husband’s hands. He is the one who has the relationship with his mother and he needs to make a choice about how he wants to move forward. If he does not understand your feelings, make them clear to him. If he continues to make excuses for her, then you get to make a decision about how this will impact your relationship. Perhaps you can come to a compromise? Only you know how important this issue is to you.

If your husband is resigned to bailing his mother out and you simply cannot live that way, then you have a problem. But it is better if you figure these things out in the beginning of a relationship. This is the first of many decisions you will make together and it is important that both people hear each other and agree to act as a team.

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie

Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Me, My Boyfriend… and his Mother”

Dear Grandma,

My grandparents were married 42 years until PaPa died of cancer in 1981. I was seven at the time. His death sent my mom into depression and later schizophrenia.  For 25 years it persisted without treatment. While growing up my mother was incapable and/or unwilling to have healthy relationships or be employed. I credit my grandmother for raising me. She’s 87.

My mother sought treatment for two years recently and it helped enormously. Even though side effects were minimal, she stopped taking her meds with my grandmother’s encouragement. Now she is worse than ever. My question is this: am i obligated to continue a relationship with my mother when a relationship barely existed in the first place?

Thank you for your insight.

Signed,
Wondering

Dear Wondering,

You are in a very difficult situation and I’m so glad to hear that you have had your grandmother’s support for all these years.

I don’t know very much about schizophrenia, but I do know how hard it can be to have a family member who is sick. You should get the advice of her doctor and they will tell you if you can handle your mother, and also they can give you information about how to relate to someone who has schizophrenia. If she needs medication, she needs medication This is not your problem. This is a very big job, a very big burden.

The most important thing for you to do is take care of yourself. If she will not take her medication, you are not obligated to be traumatized by her behavior. And no matter how much you want to love and support her, it might be the case that nothing can help but the medication. No one can force another person to do anything, but you can make it clear that you support her by wanting her to take the medication. If she does not take the medication, you may have to walk away and continue to take care of yourself. That’s all God wants from you. And please know that as terrible as things may seem, God is taking care of your mother.

Do the best you can, that’s all anybody can expect of you. That’s all that God wants from you. That’s what the people that you know want from you. You do the best you can and try to say to yourself that you are equally as important as your mother. Do what you can to save yourself — you deserve it.

Good luck to you and to your family.

Love,
Cutie

Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: My mom has untreated schizophrenia”

Dear Cutie,

I was watching the news and I heard about you and I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I am a 24 year old male and I am happily engaged and I love my fiancée very much. But recently I have been chatting with a friend online and there are feelings there that are more than friends. She recently had to move away from her boyfriend because she could not handle the stress living with him and his sister produced. Since she moved in with a friend she and I have spoken almost every day. She tells me she loves me and I love her too. But I also love my fiancée. The woman and her boyfriend have been having issues and she asked me the other day if they broke up, would I move in with her and be with her? I told her I would have to think about it. I love both these women and I am so confused to what I should do. Please give me some advice Thank you so very much.

Signed,
Confused and Torn

Dear Confused and Torn,

You have a fiancée? You might need to break things off. Or take some time to consider who is more important to you. If you can’t make up your mind, you are not ready to get married. Recognize what your priorities are and give yourself six months to think it over. You have time to make this decision. Make it the right one.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Too Many Lady Friends”

Everybody’s talking about 1940s Los Angeles because “L.A. Noire” is the hottest video game around. So, naturally, we asked our Cutie, a resident of 1947 L.A., what it was really like in those days of gangsters, gun molls, night clubs, and wild livin’. Of course, Cutie’s 1947 was a little sleepier, but still a place in time she remembers with great fondness.

Continue reading “The Real L.A. Noire”

Dear Cutie,

I’ve been wanting to get your advice on something, but since it is a private matter I thought I would email instead! My sister and I are extremely close. She lives out of state, but we remain close. My husband and I got married about seven months ago. My sister and my husband have never gotten along, but they’re typically tolerant of one another. Recently that changed and my husband called my sister and they had a heated discussion about the reasons they dislike one another. I’m afraid that my husband just doesn’t understand her personality. Truthfully he can be very rude when she comes to visit. He has never gone to visit her with me and refuses to.  My sister is having her first child in October. I don’t want this baby to grow up not knowing their Uncle. I’m not sure what to do. My sister is not writing him off, but him writing off my family is hurtful, and I’m not willing to lose them. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Hurting

Dear Hurting,

When the baby comes, everybody is going to mellow out. If your husband still does not want to spend time with your sister, then he doesn’t have to. But he should respect that you want to have a relationship with your sister, and he must be cordial when he sees her or talks with you about her. There is never an excuse for rudeness, especially if it hurts you, too. Let them know that you love them both and you want to spend as much time as they can afford to give you. Right now everyone’s feelings are heated but usually these things get better with time. Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Feuding In-Laws”

Hello, Cutie,

It’s 9:30am on a beautiful Tuesday morning and I hope you’re doing wonderful. As for me, well, I just have a question to ask you.

What do you do when your ex-boyfriend only calls you when he’s drunk saying dumb stuff? The only reason I answer is because I still have feelings for him. It’s almost going to be a year that we’ve broke up, and for periods of time I’m fine, but then others I’m not.

I’m only 17 years old and sometimes I think I’m pathetic. Please get back to me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,

The next that he calls when he is drunk, tell him to call you back when he wakes up. And hang up on him.

If he is serious about you, then he needs to show that to you. He’s got to be taught to grow up. If he cannot, then it is his loss.

You know what you want. You don’t need a drunk on the phone.

Don’t settle. There are plenty of young men who would appreciate you and respect your priorities.

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Ex-Boyfriend Phones When Drunk”

Hi Grandma,

It’s so nice that you are offering yourself to the world like this. My grandmothers and mother are gone so advice is hard to find!

I am in my mid-forties, happily married with two young sons. We live in a small midwestern city. My husband is from here and his whole family is still here. We all get along fine and see each other often… sometimes too often.

So, in spite of having this nice, settled life where my children are happy and have family, I want to leave. I love California and have wanted to live there for years. I feel “home” when I’m there. But it seems so selfish to move my kids and risk losing all the support we have here. I know what I *want* to do, but I don’t know what to do as a mother and a wife. My husband says he’ll support any decision although he’s less of a risk taker than I. Should I simply be grateful for what I have? Or risk losing it all?

Thank you so much! I feel better just being able to send this message!

signed,
Stay or Go

*

Dear Stay or Go,

Take a vacation. A three month vacation is a very long time. I think you will be very happy to go back to where you belong.

Everyone likes to think the grass is greener on the other side, but it is all about how you look at it. California is a nice place. I love it. But you have roots where you are at. And maybe you can take some time to figure out what you need to make you happy wherever you live.

Good luck to you and your family.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Contemplating a Cross-Country Move”

Dear Cutie,

I have a very personal, peculiar, and somewhat abnormal question that myself and my partner have been seeking advice on for almost a year now. My partner and I are first cousins. We are a cousin couple, and have been in secret now for, almost a year. We simply cannot live without each other, but the mounting pressure of family and friends finding out about us becoming unbearable, and we are struggling to make a final decision! There is no doubt we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. Have you ever encountered such a couple? And, I think more importantly, what would you do? Thank you for your time, advice, and most importantly, keeping our secret, a secret. Have a great day:)

Signed,
Secret Love

Dear Secret Love,

There is nothing wrong with your relationship. Talk to your doctor. If he thinks there is any problem that you should face, talk to him. He understands. And, other than that, you might talk to your pastor or your rabbi.

If I met a couple like you, I would say good luck to you. It is none of anyone’s business how you know each other. What matters is that you are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together.

It is very painful to live your life in the dark, but you are the only ones who know if you are comfortable stepping into the light and celebrating your love. Remember, you aren’t hurting anyone.

The word in Yiddish is “beshert.” That means that God chose it to be like that. That’s what it is. Good luck to you. I know you will be happy.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Cousins in Love”