The OGs

Dear Cutie,

I’ve been married for two years to my high school sweetheart. He is a brilliant man and used to work, but is now finishing his Bachelor’s degree.

Unfortunately, now that he is in school, he does not do much. He is on his last class, which only takes up 8 hours per week plus homework. I, meanwhile, work full-time to support him. I also cook every meal, clean by myself, do the grocery shopping, pay bills, and manage everything about our household. I have asked him to at least learn to cook and pick up after himself but he does not. He does not even remember to feed the dog. He gets out of bed at noon and spends most of the day playing video games and reading. If I tell him to work on the book he said he wanted to write, he says that he has been “thinking very hard about it” and other such excuses. He has been saying that for months.

How do I talk to him about this? I don’t want to insult him, because then he will become defensive, and I don’t want to threaten divorce.

Signed,
Overworked

Dear Overworked,

At this point, you have expressed your concerns but he does not take you seriously. It sounds like you are working very hard to take care of yourself and your family, and he is not pulling his weight. You are newlyweds. This is an important time to build your foundation as a couple. Is this the life you want to live for the next fifty years?

If you don’t like it, tell him you are seriously concerned about the relationship. Let him know what you expect from him — but not in the middle of a fight. Sit him down and tell him how his behavior is hurting you and tell him you will not live this way. He has an opportunity to understand where you are coming from and to turn things around. If he will not do that, you need to, for both of your sakes.

If he is not ready to be a grown up in a marriage with you, then there is someone out there who will love you and treat you with the respect you deserve. And with time, he may grow up, but you cannot force him to if he does not wish it. Good luck to you both.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: My Husband Won’t Lift A Finger”

Dearest Cutie,

This question is a little embarrassing for me…. but here it goes. How important do you think sex is to a relationship? I have been married for two years. For the last three months nothing has been happening in the bedroom, and I have been on an emotional roller coaster because of it. I feel insecure, rejected and worried. My husband reassures me that he loves me and everything is fine, so I wonder if I just need to have more patience, or perhaps try something to spark his interest. Do you think connecting physically is necessary to have a fulfilling and successful marriage?

signed,
Insecure

Dear Insecure,

Sex is very important because it is a natural phenomena. And if you haven’t had sex in a while, there must be something the matter with either one of you. It could be a physical issue, it could be an emotional issue. I know it is difficult, but you might want to consider talking to a professional about it. Maybe he is stressed out? Something tells me that you are not the problem. He knows that you love him and want to have sex, but there is something getting in the way. Either on your own or with some professional help, try to figure out how to deal with the issues getting in the way and I think things will become clear. Yes, sex is important, but communication and understanding are more important, and if you both want to work things out, I know that you will.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: No Sex Please, We’re Married”

In keeping with her mid-year resolution to explore the uncharted waters of being a bad girl, Cutie gets started with that favorite activity of juvenile delinquents: prank phone calling. It’s not as easy as it looks but it’s funnier! Let’s stop in and see how it’s going.

Continue reading “Prank Calling 101”

Dear Cutie,

What are your thoughts on the “war on obesity”? Do you think everyone should work to be thin or is everyone born to be the size they are?

Signed,
Curious

Dear Curious,

Well, I understand the concern about obesity, but I prefer to think about it in terms of health. There are different body types of all shapes and sizes, but you can be healthy in each body type. I was always a short lady and so my body doesn’t look like the movie stars, but that doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful. You learn to live with what God gave you and to appreciate what you have. Thank your body for everything it helps you do: from walking on the beach to dancing or swinging on a swing. You don’t have to be tall and thin to enjoy your body, and as long as you feel good inside it, I think you’re where you ought to be.

Love,
Cutie

Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Tipping the Scales”

Dear Cutie,

I am embarrassed to ask this because it is something I am ashamed of. I am 34 years old and the mother of three beautiful girls — and I have no idea how to budget money.  My husband works crazy, long hours and I am the one that handles the money, because he doesn’t have time. I am so bad at it. We barely scrape by every month and I’m sure we could do better if I had a clue about what I am doing. Can you help?  

Signed,
Losing It

Dear Losing It,

This seems harder than it really is, because you are scared and upset. Start fresh. Put yourself on a budget. Give yourself so much each week, allocating enough for necessities and and allowing a little bit for fun. Some people use labeled envelopes with cash (or pieces of paper, if you use electronic payments) inside to organize their spending.

Also, it could be helpful just to track how you are spending your money. It is easy to pay with a card and forget the next day where it all went. If you start looking at how you spend, you may find that you don’t want to be putting so much money in one direction and you can start to change your spending habits to be more in line with your values. The key word is ORGANIZE. You must start thinking about this and keeping track.

Money is tricky. And it is the kind of thing that can get between families. It sounds like you value money and the hard work that your family does to earn it. You are in a good position to turn things around and soon you will find that your money is working for you, because it helps you live the kind of life that you want to live without ruining your life.

Good luck to you!

Love,
Cutie

Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: Family Finance Follies”

Dear Cutie,

I met this guy a year ago through some friends. Initially he only communicated with me via Facebook email. Then one time I was talking to this other guy and he asked me for my number in front of him. Then he started calling/texting the very next day and we would talk for an hour or so every week, in addition to regular texting. We talked about our past and families. We both are divorced and have lost a parent each, so we bonded very well. Then he asked me out randomly.He ended up staying in at my place as I was tired.Then things changed and we were talking to each other every day, all day, even from work for about three weeks. One weekend he disappeared on me and when I questioned he didn’t like it. We didn’t talk for almost a month until we ran into each other at another party.He started calling again. It wasn’t as frequent as before, but he started staying in touch more. Then my mom came to visit from India and he met my mom.Now he texts/calls days in a row and then disappears again. Please advise.

Signed,
Yo-Yo

Dear Yo-Yo,

Encourage him to do his own thing, just ask that he remember to make you a priority. It sounds like you are interested in some kind of commitment from him. If you don’t want to be casual, say so. It is important for all the expectations to be on the table if a relationship is going to stand the test of time. If he is not ready to give you what you want and need, then look for someone more reliable. This guy may have pleasant attributes, but they don’t mean a thing if you can’t rely on him.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: The Incredible Disappearing Date”

Hi Cutie,

I have been told that I’m a very sensitive person. How can I go about following my own dreams rather than constantly being a people pleaser? How do I deal with the bumps in the road along the way?

Signed,
Tender Blossom

Dear Tender Blossom,

Believe in yourself. You are not wrong. You may try to make other people happy, but at the end of the day you have to live with yourself.

It is impossible to make everyone happy all the time. You will have a better chance of thriving if you look at what you can do to be the best you. If you go down this road, you may find that you lose a few friends who preferred it when you put their needs above your own. And this may hurt, but when you respect yourself, you will attract positive people who will show you the same respect.

It is a difficult road, but it gets easier and it is worth it. Good luck to you, and follow your star.

love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: The Perils of People Pleasing”

For the last 94 years, Cutie has behaved like a lady. She has done what is expected of her with a smile and all the graciousness a lady can muster. But always, she has wondered how things would have been different if she had been A BAD GIRL. The time for wondering has ceased. Starting today Good Girl Cutie is taking a vacation and Bad Girl Cutie is coming out to play. Only one problem: Cutie has no idea how to be a bad girl. That’s where you come in. Give us your suggestions for non-dangerous ways Cutie can let her bad girl flag fly, and maybe you’ll see her trying them out in a future video!

Continue reading “Birth of a Bad Girl”

Dearest Cutie,

I’m needing some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year. We are very much in love with each other and plan on marriage.

The issue is with his family. They disapprove of us being together. They have never met me. Also his parents are very traditional and Pakistani. So they see me as an outsider since I’m not the same race or religion as them. They argue with him every day to try to get him to break up with me, then make him feel guilty when he doesn’t, saying that he doesn’t care about them. He doesn’t care what race I am and I am very open to his religion. All of his friends tell him that he should stand up to his parents, but he is afraid of hurting them, since they are a very small family and he is the only son.

How can he get his parents to see that he isn’t just dating around anymore and is serious about the relationship?

Signed,
Outside Looking In

Dear Outside Looking In,

I must tell you that a family that wants to hold onto their kids is a very old story. Just hang in. If it is meant to be, it will be. if it is not meant to be, kiss him goodbye and find another relationship.

They may not accept you two right now, but they will have to deal with you if the relationship becomes more substantial. The important thing is for you feel good about how your partner handles the situation. If he respects you and you don’t question his position, then his family’s opinion will not be as important.

They may come around with their thinking, especially if your partner makes it clear to his parents that you are in the picture and not going anywhere. That would be an improvement over the current situation for all concerned. They will accept you if the alternative is losing him–although things might be rocky for a little while as they get used to the idea. On the other hand, if he is not ready to stand up to his parents on your behalf, he is not ready to be in a serious relationship.

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: His Parents Object”

Dear Grandma,

I have been married for nine years and we have four young children.  I recently became involved with a man who is not my husband. We realized that it wasn’t a good idea, and both agreed that the relationship needed to stop.  

My question to you is: how can I get over this? I am heartbroken. I think about him all the time, and we work together, so I can’t avoid him. I know I will feel better someday, and I never should have gotten involved with him to begin with, but how do I deal with today?  We broke up a month ago, and I am still devastated. I feel like a teenager, not a 30-year-old woman, with all of my crazy emotions, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.

Signed,
Confused and Crazy

Dear C and C,

You can’t change what you did, but you can change what you do starting today.

Find another job. Move away from him. He is bad news. You don’t need him. Go home and take care of your children. If you don’t have to see him everyday, then it will be easier to move on. It is normal for you to feel the way you do. It is too short a separation. I would put as much distance away between you and him as possible. And give you a new chance to find out what is doing on the other side of the world, or the other side of town.

New territory always sounds exciting but after a while the new territory becomes old. So don’t make this mistake again. You can still make it work with your husband. Concentrate on your family and stop obsessing over your affair.

Good luck to you.

Love,
Cutie
Continue reading “Ask Grandma Anything: The End of the Affair”