Ask Grandma Anything: He Says He’ll Get Divorced Soon

Dear Cutie,

I have been seeing a married man for two years now. He says he is getting a divorce. He had no steady job until almost a year ago, and is trying to refinance his house and get the divorce final before we make any plans. His wife is still living with him, but goes away on trips frequently. He still cares about her a lot, I can tell, but he says he loves me and wants a life with me. I feel stupid waiting for him, but he treats me really well. He has a green card (not a US citizen) and says he feels obligated because his wife supported him until he could get a job.

I really love him, but feel short changed waiting for him. What do you think, Cutie?

signed,
Patience

Dear Patience,

Oh dear, get rid of him. He is bad news.

I’m confused by your statement that he treats you very well. In my opinion, he is asking you to be too patient and too understanding. These qualities are important and crucial to a good relationship, but in moderation. You have done well by trying to accept his situation, but I think your instincts are right about feeling short changed.

It sounds like he does care for you, but he cares for his wife and for his easy life, too. He says the right things and tugs on your heartstrings, but his actions show that he is unwilling to meet you halfway.

A good partner is someone who can stand on his own two feet. And a dependable, steady partner is what you deserve. Follow your instincts and stop waiting for him.

Start asking yourself the hard questions like: why are you putting up with this? And what are you going to do to make sure that your next partner doesn’t treat you this way? Spend time with your girlfriends, be strong and good luck to you. I see good things in your future.

Love,
Cutie


Dear Cutie,

I have been seeing a married man for two years now. He says he is getting a divorce. He had no steady job until almost a year ago, and is trying to refinance his house and get the divorce final before we make any plans. His wife is still living with him, but goes away on trips frequently. He still cares about her a lot, I can tell, but he says he loves me and wants a life with me. I feel stupid waiting for him, but he treats me really well. He has a green card (not a US citizen) and says he feels obligated because his wife supported him until he could get a job.

I really love him, but feel short changed waiting for him. What do you think, Cutie?

signed,
Patience

Dear Patience,

Oh dear, get rid of him. He is bad news.

I’m confused by your statement that he treats you very well. In my opinion, he is asking you to be too patient and too understanding. These qualities are important and crucial to a good relationship, but in moderation. You have done well by trying to accept his situation, but I think your instincts are right about feeling short changed.

It sounds like he does care for you, but he cares for his wife and for his easy life, too. He says the right things and tugs on your heartstrings, but his actions show that he is unwilling to meet you halfway.

A good partner is someone who can stand on his own two feet. And a dependable, steady partner is what you deserve. Follow your instincts and stop waiting for him.

Start asking yourself the hard questions like: why are you putting up with this? And what are you going to do to make sure that your next partner doesn’t treat you this way? Spend time with your girlfriends, be strong and good luck to you. I see good things in your future.

Love,
Cutie