Ask Grandma Anything: Long Distance Heartbreak

Hi Cutie pie,

I was dating a guy I met at my school, when he tells me he wants to be a Marine. We hadn’t been dating that long. A year later, through thick and thin, we’re still together. Then he went off to boot camp. Communicating is harder, but we make it through the four months and when he comes home everything is wonderful again.

But now that he is off to school, things have gotten really bad. There have been so many miscommunications because I went off to be an exchange student. The extra stress was too much, so we ended up fighting a lot and broke up.

Last weekend we started talking again, and it’s kind of like we never broke up. I’m wondering if you think that it is worth trying again? Or if we should wait? Or if all the work will even be worth it? (I love him.)

signed,
Steadily Lonely

Dear Steadily Lonely,

It sounds like you both put a great deal of effort into the relationship, but that the challenges of life got in the way. I want you to know that familiarity is not love. If it was so hard before, what is different now that will make it better? What has changed?

It is very difficult to become an adult and figure out who you are and deal with the sea of emotions that you feel. Sometimes it seems like a good idea to stay in a relationship rather than have to face yourself and all of that work to become the person you want to be. But I can tell from your message that in your gut you don’t think this relationship the right thing for you.

You still get to care about him and nothing can take away the important relationship that you shared, but it is time to move on. Get out there. Make mistakes. Live your life. You won’t regret it.

Who knows what is around the corner?

love,
Cutie

Hi Cutie pie,

I was dating a guy I met at my school, when he tells me he wants to be a Marine. We hadn’t been dating that long. A year later, through thick and thin, we’re still together. Then he went off to boot camp. Communicating is harder, but we make it through the four months and when he comes home everything is wonderful again.

But now that he is off to school, things have gotten really bad. There have been so many miscommunications because I went off to be an exchange student. The extra stress was too much, so we ended up fighting a lot and broke up.

Last weekend we started talking again, and it’s kind of like we never broke up. I’m wondering if you think that it is worth trying again? Or if we should wait? Or if all the work will even be worth it? (I love him.)

signed,
Steadily Lonely

Dear Steadily Lonely,

It sounds like you both put a great deal of effort into the relationship, but that the challenges of life got in the way. I want you to know that familiarity is not love. If it was so hard before, what is different now that will make it better? What has changed?

It is very difficult to become an adult and figure out who you are and deal with the sea of emotions that you feel. Sometimes it seems like a good idea to stay in a relationship rather than have to face yourself and all of that work to become the person you want to be. But I can tell from your message that in your gut you don’t think this relationship the right thing for you.

You still get to care about him and nothing can take away the important relationship that you shared, but it is time to move on. Get out there. Make mistakes. Live your life. You won’t regret it.

Who knows what is around the corner?

love,
Cutie